BHP halts Oylympic Dam expansion

BHP Billiton's decision to mothball more than $US60 billion in expansion projects was neccessary to stave off a huge PR disaster said CEO Marius Kloppers.

After Australia's disastrous turn in the London Olympics, coming second place in so many events spending $30 billion on getting silver from Olympic Dam just couldn't get support from anyone.

iiNet delivers its best financial result ever

The internet provider is in a strong position with an 11 per cent rise in full year profit.
2012 has also seen an 11 per cent increase in Irish men with beards.

With it's saturation marketing iiNet has positioned Australia as a nation which welcomes and even celebrates bearded Celtic nationals. Sightings around Bondi, Kings Cross and the CBD have risen dramatically.

In days past, these bearded Irishmen would have typically written poetry and drunk heavily. Now they market ADSL and steal your girlfriend. Our soft borders mean they'll get straight in without any processing in PNG or Nauru.

Google gives perks in the afterlife

Tech Giant Google knows how to look after it's employees while they are alive with gourmet food and free haircuts but it has also promised to look after them when they die. As well as giving $1000 a month to dependent children, Google has promised to:

Delete your search history if it contains any embarrassing references to porn or Justin Bieber,
Search for your missing body using google maps technology,
Filter unwanted messages from annoying relatives reaching your spouse,
Upload a cat-based eulogy direct to Youtube.

Not be outdone by Google looking after you when you die, Apple has announced it will give $50 to each employee everytime it freezes.